If you’ve never met Krazzle, health care’s stress monster, you’re either a patient of Gateway Hancock Health or just really lucky.
Krazzle is easy to find: He lives in a lot of labs, imaging, and urgent care centers. He’s happiest when you’re at your breaking point. And he’s also fond of anything that causes anxiety, from expensive tests and confusing bills to indifferent medical staff and shabby exam rooms.
Gateway has none of that, so there’s no Krazzle here. And while we know better than to invite him in, we were curious about how Krazzle lives his stressed-out life. So we tracked him down and got him to tell us more about himself. At first, he was a little groggy—he’d been napping on a squeaky bed of nails.
Q: Hello, Krazzle. You don’t look very comfortable. Why don’t you sleep somewhere softer, maybe with some soothing background music?
A: A comfortable nap is a good way to ruin a perfectly stressful day. Why do that?
Q: We’re anti-stress at Gateway, so we’re fond of our soothing environment. Have you ever considered trying to add more peace and calm into your life?
A: I’d probably start losing my best features: the matted hair and buggy eyes. Not a chance.
Q: It seems like it would be hard work to stay stressed all the time. How do you do that?
A: I just hang out at urgent care centers across the Midwest. Humans are already restless when they’re getting urgent care. Add in disinterested medical staff, a dingy environment, and thoughts of big healthcare bills, and there’s enough extra stress to keep me happy.
Q: Sounds awful. We don’t have any of that at Gateway. In fact, we soothe our patients’ anxieties with prices for labs and imaging that are, on average, 70% less than they’d pay at a hospital and simple billing procedures that allow us to send just one statement for each visit. We know you haven’t been inside Gateway, but have you ever even been outside, maybe hiding in the trees or something?
A: There’s nothing for me there, and I don’t like trees. Too much oxygen.
Q: So, what do you do in your spare time, when you’re not soaking up nervous energy from sick and injured humans?
A: That’s my favorite hobby. But I also enjoy suspense thrillers and grinding my teeth.
Q: You’re even giving us anxiety. Will you be insulted if we excuse ourselves and go looking for some peace of mind?
A: Not at all! I’m off to find a nice traffic jam, followed by a long line of patients in a waiting room, maybe in a lab somewhere.
With that, Krazzle bounced frantically away as we walked through the doors at Gateway. We’re sure we won’t see him again because our location—at I-70 and Mount Comfort Road— keeps us out of city traffic, and our Save Your Spot lets patients get in line online, even before they arrive.